"Break the soul of your window ..." - I included this song for her in the car. Just in it, it is sung about the randomness of meetings without commitment and continuation, without attachments. I thought that would be so - without affection, at least on my part. It turned out the opposite. This fragile, naive girl turned out to be stronger than I thought, she managed to overcome her affection and my “temporary” indifference to her. Is it really not me, but she “broke” my soul? Can not be!!! But why, why is it so painful and restless? And how can she cut everything off like this, after all, Yana herself was looking for meetings, she called her endlessly, and when I black-listed her, she wrote SMS, calling it “Egorushka-sun”.
She is
Fu, how disgusting! I did not even think that it would be so unpleasant. We have to work, but nothing comes to mind, heart aches. Egor is on my black list, so I only received a sms from him when I blocked the phone after my mother’s call: “I would like to know why?” (Hmm, he asks!)
Drank tea with "balm" - does not help. Apparently, he "digests" the information. Yes, I can feel people from a distance. Especially people who gave a piece of themselves. After all, I do not know how to love or be friends in half. Either all give, or nothing. In her already not youthful age, she has not forgotten how to fall in love. But I can quickly forget if something goes wrong, if they play with me, do not take it seriously or start using it.
Scrolling in memory of the events of the past year related to Yegor, my now former lover, I understand that he used me exactly. Although perhaps some affection was. I do not even know ... probably was not ... probably it was just an undisguised reaction of a mature male to a young sexy woman. He smiled full-heartedly and made me compliments even in the presence of my husband, whom, alas, did not encourage him to change his behavior regarding me. I liked these compliments, these charcoal burning eyes at the sight of me. And given that I was never spoiled with my husband's attention, and especially at that time, the ice was broken ...
I smiled, greeting him when I met him, and once he gave me a lift, and we casually exchanged phone numbers, jokingly: having found out that we have the same middle name, Yegor said that we were a “gang” and, on occasion, we would go to rob a bank, poddaknula. That evening I had a particularly high spirits, I was in no hurry to go home, because there was no one there, and upon learning of this, he offered to “ride”. I accepted the proposal with a bang ... I guess I am a "romantic fool", but trips around the evening city inspire me with some special romance, I start chatting and laugh infectiously ... He liked my mood. We were so good together, as they say, on the same wavelength. Near the small shop, he stopped and asked to wait, he came back with a cake and handed it to me. - What is it? - I did not contain bewilderment. “Soon the New Year, I wanted to make you happy,” with these words, he handed the cake to me.
... at first we called up sometimes, but then I realized that in his phone there was a place for me only on the “black list” (he probably had to hide my calls from anyone). I did not ask questions, I did not want to think that this man was another bastard and he could not be trusted. After all, life and beat him enough. I was bribed by the fact that Yegor told all about himself, about his life and biography, did not hide anything. And I wrote him a text message, and he called me back, and if possible, we chatted for a long time and sweetly. He raised my spirits in a very difficult life period for me, he supported me morally. Perhaps, thanks to him, I have not lost my ... "femininity" or something.
Of course, it came to bed. Fortunately, he lived alone and we did not have to look for a place to meet ... For the very first time, nothing happened, I, hungry for a man’s caress, overexcited from such tender kisses, I breathed so loudly that he took it for an asthma attack. Dummy, he had no idea what I was capable of ... And that first evening he took off only my warm jacket ...
Subsequently, we met several times, and, analyzing his behavior in bed, I can say that he was very gentle and at the same time very powerful, in my understanding, directly selfish, with a capital letter. I was infuriated that, just starting to kiss, he let his hands wander through my intimate places. He quickly and sharply stripped, removing everything at once, and even grumbled that I had “so many layers” of clothes. The feeling was that his main goal was to plunge his “tool” into me as quickly as possible. And when it was finally carried out, he started some kind of mad race, from which I gasped, squealed and moaned, whined and screamed. He was ready to do it endlessly, turning me this way and that, and holding tightly with his strong hands. “Does it take any medications?” I thought at times. And I did not like that he, self-confident in life, was also the absolute master in bed, not giving me the slightest opportunity to take the initiative: it was necessary for the “girl” to be a good girl and listen, “because I'm a man.” Of course, there is no reception against scrap!
I do not deny it, I was always good with him, he had some kind of special energy, a kind of natural, almost gypsy (he is black) magnetism. I got the plant from one of his gaze or insinuating voice in intimate moments. And ... he had a strong build and, with my small stature, I felt close to him so small and so protected!
But everything comes to an end, and ordinary glasses with transparent glasses come to replace the pink glasses, and the people whom we trust begin to become impudent. Once it happened that I did not forgive him. () He finished in me (that evening I did not even understand). Yes, it sounds trite, but ... according to my concepts, it was impossible to do this, adults should discuss it, and not so, from the bay-barge when itch. That evening I experienced a special pleasure, the orgasm was such that a little spark from the eyes did not fall ... well, even tears flowed. I literally sobbed on his shoulder. And he celebrated the victory! Lazily hugging with one hand, said: “Cry, girl, cry. They say that if a woman cries after sex, it means she got a special pleasure. ” At lunch the next day, I learned from a telephone conversation with him that “everything is in me,” and rushed to the pharmacy for emergency contraceptive pills, thankfully, time has not yet been lost. It turns out that he simply at the expense of me asserted himself as a man, as a Male.
And from this very case, restructuring began in my brain, which was inflamed with love. You know how it usually happens. It is necessary for an ideal person in your presentation to make at least one mistake, and you start to get frustrated, to remember up to a heap of insults, some not very pleasant words, and so on, and all this is twisted in your mind like a snowball. And now the Angel is turned by you almost into a Demon ... But, strangely enough, it is at this moment that it “lets go”. It becomes calm at heart, the heart does not beat so wildly at the sight of Him. In part, this is good, partly bad, but ... such is mudflow. But you get invaluable life experience and begin to look at familiar things in a new way.
... at first, I stopped responding to his calls, which were heard at least 3-4 times a week, and sometimes several times a day, because of which I had to keep my phone on vibrations all the time. And then completely blacklisted to finally live in peace. The phone continued to record calls from him, and one evening came sms-ka: “Zaya, am I on the black list?” I answered it slightly veiled, and answered only in the morning, having decided that “morning of the evening is wiser”. Let him think now why and for what. I do not care anymore. As they say, there are no attachments - no problem. Arividerchi, Yegorushka!